Why tapeworms are totally
Tapeworms seem kind of great at first. You're all "Hey I'm losing so much weight and eating so much! This is AWESOME!" You're wrong. You are oh so wrong. They're being stingy and eating all of your food, robbing you of that precious nutrition (that you're obviously getting from a Twinkie). They have mad crazy hooks that catch onto the walls of your intestines and can even replicate inside of you. These things don't even have intestinal tracks, and they are also both male and female! What's next world domination? I think so. All of this could also point that a tapeworm is, in fact, an alien.
You may have a tapeworm if you're eating four kajillion calories a day and not gaining a pound, or you may be an alien. Look, I'm not here to judge. Below is an accurate drawing of what a tapeworm looks like: