Camping...

There are very few times when I dare to venture into the woods and force myself to stay there in primitive conditions in a vinyl sack for shelter. Armed with just an air mattress and a comforter from my household bed, my friends and I decided it would be a terrible GREAT idea to go camping! No. Just no. First of all the campground we were going to go to only had "non-electrical" sites left, and let me tell you I am NOT camping without electricity because as soon as my phone goes dead I will be attacked by a rabid beaver and not have any way to call for help. So, we found an alternate campsite in the backwoods....yeah.

Well the person giving us directions politely left out the fact that you weren't supposed to turn at the first road with the sign for the campground, but instead turn at the second one. Twenty-five miles later we were pretty much lost. This road wasn't even named. We turned on a road that was all "HEY RECREATION AREA THIS WAY WOOO", turns out that sign is a dirty liar! Turning around was our only option. After we corrected that gargantuan mistake we made we found the right road! It doesn't get better. We drove for a long time and saw another sign that was all "HEY GUESS WHAT RECREATION AREA THIS WAY YEAHHH!!" and I was all "I'm not falling for THAT again." After about four more miles we passed a teeny tiny sign that was all "campground this way -->" and two dirt roads, a startled deer family, and a few trees later we found the campground.

Upon reaching the campground, I had this sinking feeling that was like "what have I done", but I ignored it because usually my instincts are wrong anyway! Not. We paid our campground fee and set up our tents. Now, two people like Mallory and me trying to set up a tent is like watching a paraplegic monkey dance for coins. AFTER that fiasco was over (Mallory didn't have stakes for her tent so in the event of a windstorm she would have blown away). All was well and we were all "YEAH WE'RE EFFING CAMPERS" until we realized we didn't pack enough food....

Hm.

Yeah.

So after the HOUR it took to go get food from town, we got back only to find that our camp had been invaded by LARGE BEAR-MUTATED CREATURES aka opossums. They were hidden in the woods being all "Hey we're large and in charge rustling these leaves." So I was all brave and hid on the top of my car while Mallory found a flashlight. That was a fun conversation that went a little like this:

Me: They can't get me up here. (Hiding on top of car)

Mallory: GET THE F*@#^$& FLASHLIGHT HOLY COWWWW!!!!

Me: I'm not getting the flashlight...

Mallory: GET IT!!!

Me: It's your flashlight.

ME: 1 Mallory: 0

Then the opossums got mad because we were shining a light on them so they left. All went well for a little while and then we laid down to go to sleep, and then I hit the reality that I forgot to pack a pillow. So while trying to sleep the bearopossums came back and decided to make loud angry woodsy noises outside of our tent causing me and Mallory to arm ourselves with the flashlight. Again, we beat them with our light power. I was sleeping peacefully when I woke up to coyotes howling at 3 A.M.

The next morning we packed up and went home.