Babies are Useless

No really...they are. I want to know one thing your baby has done for you, because I'm pretty sure your baby has never put away their dishes or cleaned their own poop. They are sacks of flesh that you have to cart around and clean up after. Yeah it could be a token, a sort of prize that you can show everyone, but what happens if your baby is ugly? You can't trade your baby for fun things like a free stay at a hotel, or use them like reward points for discounts at Best Buy. Babies serve no purpose except to repopulate the world, which by the way is a bad idea because we're already way overpopulated.

Taking your useless baby with you to the grocery store is annoying. They cry, and scream and throw things like little baboons wrapped up a cute package. It's like getting a really beautiful present and opening it up and it's a gaggle of snakes and you're all like "Holy crap! It's a bunch of snakes! Oh god they're biting me!" and your friend is all like "But it was in a pretty package!" yeah. Babies are venomous snakes wrapped in pretty gift wrap...unless your baby is ugly, in which case it's ugly gift wrap. You carry this tiny humanoid type being INSIDE of you for approximately nine months. Chances are your baby is an alien. How many times have YOU developed from two cells and mitosified all over the place until you became large enough to barrel your way out of a vagina? That is NOT normal.

Also notice I tagged Jesus in this post...that's right Jesus, I'm looking at you...you did all of this.

Hate me all you want, you know I'm right.

Shirley Phelps-Roper, Bill O' Reilly, and the 'R' word.

Oh, Shirley Phelps-Roper, you are one big sack of crazy. I need to get the name of her hair stylist because her hair looks AMAZING in whatever interview she's in (usually defending her sanity). Just take a look here! Yes, that IS her to the left. Isn't she lovely?! If you don't know who Shirley Phelps-Roper is you're missing out on a lot of quality entertainment. This woman goes around protesting everything. For example, she protests military funerals (Douche? Why yes I think so.), high schools, other churches, etc. Her message is the usual "God hates you and everything you do including your friends and children and he has double hate for you if you like someone of the same sex and ESPECIALLY if you're a democrat" kind of thing.

Like a lot of visionary (deranged) people her justification is, "God made me do it!". Sure he did! Just like Allah made those crazy Muslims crash into the WTC! The thing that really entertains me about her is the fact that she will argue to the death about her cause when there's really no validity for it at all. Every newscaster that I've seen interview her usually loses their patience and starts resorting to childlike behavior only on a more intellectual scale using their big people words like "abomination" and one anchor even went on to calling her the devil. Her response was actually to call her a bimbo. She called the nice Asian lady a bimbo on television. You can't write that. Of course everyone's first reaction is to be super angry at this obviously mentally deranged person, but my reaction is to laugh because I know that she has to have like Radon poisoning or something. Maybe she lives near a nuclear reactor?

Speaking of news anchors, what is up with Bill O' Reilly lately? Usually he spews his verbal "I hate everything that's not right wing conservative and I will portray everything in a way that is not true" jargon, but here recently he's taken to attacking celebrities? First Jennifer Aniston for her 'R' word slip and then one of the Kardashian bimbos for prowling on Justin Bieber. Talk about a cock block. I'm sorry Bill, I thought you actually cared about misconstruing your serious journalism facts on Fox News are you sure you wouldn't be better suited for...I don't know...the E! channel?

The punctuation for this blog was shot to hell in the first paragraph so I've just accepted that fact and will continue making simple grammatical errors until I get arrested. Any takers?